Let's just do the damn thing!

So.....the reason for a blog well my blog is rather simple. I need somewhere to chronicle this weight loss challenge I'm placing myself on as well as place to write down all the BS that gives me joy and sorrow in any given day. As of today my life encapsulates the following genres.....divorced, mother, overweight (let's face it fat), girlfriend/fiancée, step-mom, full-time working 30 something woman. 

If your going to read this prepare to hear about J (the love of my life who I live with and routinely hate and love all in the same day because well....he's J). My kids.....we have a total of five together from previous relationships. All have been cruely bestowed with the curse of not having the best childhoods but damnit J and I are trying (we get points for heaven for that right?) My pets...I have a turtle, a labradoodle, and three cats all are loved like children so if your reading this and you think holy hell she's a crazy cat lady feel free to laugh because honestly I don't care I own that title with pride. My work....it may occassionally sneak into my posts as I spend a lot of time there and just like home there are frustrations and frivolity.  My other family as in my folks my brother and my aunts uncles and cousins.....this area of my life has many sore spots but don't get me wrong I love them I just don't understand all of them.

I have decided that no one will have their full name divulged.....ever....unless your one of my pets than it doesn't seem to matter.  I am just going to use everyones first initial.

Three of our five children routinely live with us or see us. H, B, and C - H is almost 17 and since her daddy had her at 17 our relationship with her is complex. J tends to be extremely overprotective of her. In all practicality it makes her crazy. B is my biological daughter (she will be 8 this year) and boy oh boy did I screw up her life but there is a different time and place for that blog post. C is H's younger 11 year old brother....all I can say is he is defintely his fathers son. There will be more on that topic later as well. The other two children that J fathered are all extremely complex sore subjects. I am sure I will elaborate later but now is not that time. I will say that they are all extremely loved and that we are extremely sorry for decisions we have made that have further complicated this thing we all call life. 

On a happier note.....J proposed in June. We had been living together as a family for two years at that point and been together for nearly three years. My rings are beautiful their vintage....white gold and diamonds....13 of them between the wedding band and the engagement ring. I suppose I deserve such a pretty ring.....even though I don't feel real good about myself. I'm going to try and change that before we get married next year. It's on my list of shit that has to be done and it's a priority. 

I'm five foot 2, I've had a c-section and between being married to the most awful man on the planet and pregnancy I now weigh a svelt 189 pounds.....blech.....I did weigh 243 pounds at one point so I've already made some progress but I would love to weigh 135 pounds again so only 54 more pounds to go and I'll be there. The problem is how do I do this?  I have kids, J, a job, pets, family, and every excuse in the world to not do a damn thing for myself.  My feelings of inadequacy get in my damn way.  J says your just going to have to do it. Oh yeah mister? Well then who takes care laundry, my job, cooking, pets, kids, and him? I'm struggling with how to balance it all......it has to be done though. 

Today.....I feel like hell. I've not been sleeping at night again my body hurts all over all the time I believe because of my weight and my stress load. I'm also being visited by Aunt Flo and honestly I don't want to do anything until that lightens up a bit.  I need to finish decorating my home for Halloween, cook everyone something decent to eat for lunch and dinner, work on my laundry, help J and the kids with his laundry list of items he needs assistance with and somehow sneak 45 minutes or more of good exercise in all before the sun goes down at 7:30.....I'm tired already thinking about it... I will keep you posted......

Christina