Stuff I cook.......

HOT MESS LAVA CAKE

(Yes, you can it eat it it won't blow your diet - I promise!)

1 box of angel food cake mix
2 boxes of chocolate cake mix

In a large bowl mix all the cake mixes together and put contents into a covered container so you can store it safely.

In a coffee mug scoop three tablespoons of the mix and add two tablespoons of water mix thoroughly it will look like a hot mess- just go with it. Then place the hot mess mixture into the microwave for 45 seconds. When it take it out you've got a single serving of hot mess lava cake and it's awesome. No eggs, no oil! It's amazing for diet food trust me!

If you don't like chocolate you could also use lemon cake mix or even spice cake mix the options are really limitless ...I'm just a traditional bitch that likes chocolate! Enjoy!

CRASH POTATOES

Start a large pot of boiling water.  Place 6 to 8 russet potatoes in boiling water. Boil until fork tender (this takes about 20 to 25 minutes) I can suggest making your hubby baby sit the pot or one of your older kids if that is an option because in this time you can safely go run on your treadmill to kill some time! When the potatoes are fork tender grease a cooking sheet with about 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Preheat your oven to 475 degrees. Place fork tender potatoes on cookie sheet and using a potato masher squash the potatoes until there flat. Now season them.....get creative...garlic, thyme, cumin, or just good ole salt and pepper. Drizzle the tops with olive oil and put them in the oven for 30 minutes ( your sweaty from your workout - go shower)! When you come back the smoothed potatoes will be delightfully tender and crispy. I make a quick garden salad and I call it meal. Great for meatless Monday!  I haven't tried this with sweet potatoes but I'm going to because I think that would be delish!

WHITE BEAN SOUP 

Dried White Beans 

2 Cans of Diced Tomatoes 

2 Cups of Chopped Celery 

2 Cups of Carrots 

2 Cups of Chopped Yellow or White Onions 

2 Minced Cloves of Garlic 

Parmesan Cheese

Olive Oil 

Salt and Pepper 

In your crockpot the night before soak the beans according to package instructions. In the morning turn your crockpot on low put the lid on and go to work. The beans are going to get really soft and that is what your looking for is for the beans to fall apart when you get home. Once the beans are at that stage you can get a large pot and add 2 tablespoons of olive oil, the carrots, the celery, and the onions. Cook until the onions and celery are translucent. Add the garlic cook for a minute more. Add the two cans of diced tomatoes and the beans. Using a potato masher bust the beans up it will make the soup creamy - trust me!  Bring all the contents to a boil then bring it down  to a simmer for 20 minutes (watch it closely it will burn) or until the carrots are cooked. Salt and pepper the soup before serving. Serve with a salad and top the soup with parmesan cheese. 

Control Issues......

So I just read Mama Laughlin's latest blogs......they address various hush hush subjects like sex, blow jobs, and women's overall bad attitudes and the withholding of sex. I have to say that I couldn't agree with her more.....

Seriously you should read her posts, funny, witty, real, and brutally honest.

I have never withheld sex in my life and I don't understand women that do. Why would you withhold something that is clearly enjoyable?  It makes no sense to me at all.  I'm starting to think that it's about control, hell I am starting to think everything about relationships is control.  Think about it....In terms of the sex thing who holds the cards if your man has an insatiable sex drive as most men do.  That's right the women and yes ladies you know it and you use it against them. On the flip side who typically is the primary breadwinner in the family?  That's right the men and I personally have known the games and lines men spout of at women in terms of the almighty dollar. When you think about it seems  deplorable how we treat one another over such stupid BS. When did thinks get so complicated?

Which leads me into my next topic.....love..... I say love because that's the reason why we put up with all of this right? Simply, because we don't want to be alone and we want to grow old with someone - right? Then why are we trying to control or get the upper hand on someone we care about?

If your having to play "control" games with someone that you claim to love is it really love or is it just some fabrication of love you've concocted in your head? Stuff like this makes me question my own relationship. J and I are not exempt from our struggles as hard as this is to write it's the truth.

Which segways into my next topic......

Why is everything a power struggle? 

Number one topic of fights in our house have to do with child rearing and money and who is more tired.  It's stupid and I need to learn to stop and not get baited into stupid BS fights that have no significance.  Not everyone can be the driver all the time and I need to let him take the reigns sometimes without a fit.  I just wish that he trusted me more to hand the reigns over to me once in  awhile.  More importantly when I tell him I love him I wish he would believe me......

I just don't think he's capable of it..... :(

Last nights heated topic of debate.....H and I did the dishes the night before like "assholes"....huh?  I fouled up when I allowed the conversation to bother me.  I should have just realized that J was doing what J does best which is throw a fit like a child because he was tired and not feeling well. What ensues is me getting pissed, slamming cupboards, and chucking various items (mostly keys and shoes because they are readily available) because I'm so frustrated.  I wish that everyone in the house would stop and realize that not everything needs to be taken so personally nor does it need to be a fight - MYSELF INCLUDED! I need to exercise more self control in terms of my feelings but it's hard.

J is wonderful man and excellent father but just like me he has baggage, like a Uhaul full of it just like myself.  I will gladly help him sort through this baggage as long as he will let me.  However, it seems at  times that he has built a huge impenetrable fortress that I can't get through. I'm  tired of trying to wage a war that doesn't seem winnable.  Unfortunately, I'm fiercely loyal to the point that it's probably bad for me.  I love him selflessly and I'm not convinced that he is capable of loving anyone like that.....sad huh?  I just wish J would recognize that I'm not "her" and when I refer to "her" I am referring to his ex-wife. He has 20 plus years of history with her and two kids (H and C) and she took off a few years ago leaving J with the kids and tons of self destructive doubts that I do my best to try and convince him is not true.

I feel lost in many ways and not very attractive because of my weight and our schedule.  I just don't have time anymore to "primp" myself like I use to.  I see H spending hours in the bathroom and I'm somewhat jealous.  I miss being small enough to wear cute clothes and have the flexibility to take tons of time on myself.  I worry that the reason he is so moody is because he wishes that his ex would have never left because that relationship was always there and it was comfortable.  Our relationship of three years is still fresh and new and it goes without saying that it's work.  I'm the terrible stepmonster to kids that depending on their mood in any given day either love me or hate me.  J and I never get a break from the kids as their is no one to take them for us and even though H is 17 her daddy will never let her watch the younger ones if we tried to escape for a weekend because she's unfortunately proven to be a bit sneaky which doesn't sit well with her father. Hope springs eternal that at some point J and I get to feel truly connected again.  I just don't know when that will happen because of our jobs, our kids, and our choices.....uugghh.....

Update

I'm down almost two pounds.  It's not much but I'll take it.  Today's topic.....haphazard ass weather and the music one listens to while jogging.

So.....

Here in lovely Wyoming it was 80 degrees just last week.  Today folks it's snowing.....yes snowing.....it's 36 degrees outside.  I can't even believe it....fall didn't have a chance this year it appears. Now to put tires on my truck so that I don't die....TRUCK YEAH!!!! (I really don't like that song but I hear it three thousand times a day and it sticks in my head in the most inopportune times....like now HA).

On to music....currently I'm into slutty silly girl music or as J calls it V-J-J music while jogging. As to why I can't really tell you.  My favorite is the Britney Spears/Rhianna S/M mash up, Katy Perry's Part of Me, Starstruck by 3Oh3, Gimmie More by Ms. Spears, and anything by Lady Gaga.  I feel like a sexy beast when I run to those songs and I certainly am not that in real life.  Alas it may happen one day!

I can also recommend the purchasing of suitable jogging shorts.  I got two pair off of ebay and I love them!  Ebay seems to almost always come through for me and I'm thankful for that. I also got some Asic's Nimbus running shoes off of Ebay for $6.00 and they are amazing and true to size. Those were a steal and were well worth it. I am an avid flip flop wearer so putting my feet in enclosed shoes wigs me out a bit but those shoes are truly amazing.

J is jogging at the moment and here shortly I will be venturing to our basement to get my run on.  I feel like my body is tightening up and I might not be losing weight like I want but I feel better and that's what most important. 

TRUCK YEAH!!!!! LOL

Double Standards

Do morals and ethical standards even exist anymore? I'm so pissed right now.....why is it if your a boy you can do whatever you want?  From your home to your work it's like this silent credo.  It makes me crazy!  If I did what I see most men do in any given day I wouldn't have a job or a place to call home. It would be quantified as me having a bad attitude.  This good ole boy attitude makes me viscerally ill.

Why is it okay for a man to be "hard" and have a challenging attitude?  If I do that I'm a bitch with a bad attitude. I just don't know if I will ever understand.  I am sickened by what my daughters are going to face while they navigate through life.  It's been hard enough for me and this isn't the dark ages so it was supposed to be easier for me and I can say safely that it hasn't been.  I just think that society has gotten better at hiding it. Truth be told you men are extremely predictable and it goes without saying.....disappointing.

Oh well....I live to muddle through another day of my so called life.

I'm still running nightly.  I took last Thursday and Friday off and that wasn't the best idea but I worked 11 hours on Thursday and H's birthday was on Friday and I had the whole birthday bash to sort out.  J helped me cook her birthday dinner (pretty awesome that he was willing to help - it makes me love him a little bit more).  She had homemade tomato basil parmesan soup (not from a can), grilled cheese, mashed potato's, and apple pie in an apple (thank you pinterest).  We watched Battleship and H had a friend stay the night.  It took us forever to orchestrate the whole thing.  I think she was happy and that made me happy so mission accomplished. Were now the parents of a child who is 17.....it makes me feel old....

We went for a hike on Sunday....I'm betting we walked 5 miles....we found the most beautiful purple rocks.  Apparently, they are called fluorite and they come in various colors and we were blessed enough to find some...the funny part was having to haul it back to our truck....it was a mile up hill and everyone was weighed down with rocks.  J had what I quantified as rock baby....his haul was the size of a basketball and probably weighed close to 20 pounds....HA!

I think I'm going to weigh myself tonight.....I'm feeling decently skinny today and it's time to see if I have made more progress.  Wish me luck....