Suprise Suprise

Like I promised last night I went home and proceeded to get my workout on.  Always at the beginning of the workout I weigh myself.  I was dreading this last night.  I actually was like no skip it and just do the damn thing and get this over with.....

I stepped on the scale..... look down and it says 174.6....

WTF?!?

I'm like no your lying Mr. Scale that's not right so I get off it and readjust and I get it on it again....

174.6..... really?  I start to get all tingly inside...... :)

However being a pessimist I got off it again and made sure that it was in fact working correctly, going as far as trying to weigh other various items to make sure it was calibrated correctly.

I got on it again 174.6.......third time is the charm right?  So I had to actually sit down so I didn't bounce off into outer space. I have noticed that some of my clothes felt different and legs looked smaller but I just wouldn't let myself believe it. Even one of the girls that delivers parts to us said you know you look smaller but I was like yeah right must be a good clothing day.

However in totality this means that since September I've lost 19.94 pounds!!!!

It was like a turbo charge to my soul getting that news.  I can say that even though I haven't ate great in the last 5 to 6 months I've changed somethings and started moving more and sleeping more so I am now more focused than ever to get the rest of this weight off and continue on this elf awareness discovery and taking control of my life.

So I now have 35 to 45 more pounds to go and I actually think I might be able to finally do this after 8 and 1/2 years......

Needless to say I did some yoga, strength training, and some running last night....it's amazing what losing 20 pounds can do for someones outlook.

You teach people how to treat you.....

Let me bring you up to speed people on my life since I last blogged in November.....I'm going to try and make it the condensed version but I am not known for short stories......

C totally spazzed out during the holidays.  It was just too much for his little soul to bear with his mom being so close yet so far away.  Consequently, he started getting into major trouble at school and home and the day after Christmas C ended up in a crisis shelter for mis-behaving children.  All I can say is that it was extremely sad and stressful.  He spent 4 days their, came home for a week and got into trouble again and had to go back.....again extremely stressful.  Then he got suspended from school for two days for his behavior there and they extended his time at said shelter.  Now I'm the proud mother of a child that at age 11 is in junior boot camp and has a modified probation officer.  Extremely disheartening and I feel ashamed and yucky because this time I had to finally get real with myself and realize I couldn't fix it or fix him.....uugghh.....

Then I don't know if she just didn't want to be left out or if she too was feeling just as disheveled as her brother but then H had a freak out of her own and this freak out landed in her in trouble with the law......

Needless to say since I last posted in November my life is one giant hot mess......

No one wants to be the mother of the child that is a bully.....I can tell you that it personally sucks.  I have only had C for 3 years but they have been a tumultuous 3 years filled with extreme highs and extreme lows.  I'm utterly exhausted and it seems I have no energy to deal with this.

Being a "stepmonster" doesn't have many perks.  J is ferociously devoted to his kids (as he should be) and his devotion to them and to me have a tendency to get in one anothers way.  It's an extremely complicated scenario trying to parent kids that sometimes want you to parent them and then all of sudden decide that they don't need you anymore.

I have taught them that it is okay to treat me this way by my interactions with them and trying to reprogram the hearts and minds of teenagers and pre-teen's is tricky business.

With that said folks.....I have not been running, I have not been eating well, and I have not been sleeping enough.  I feel fat disgusting and I have completely once again lost sight of what I was trying to do last fall.  I realize more than ever this afternoon that just as much as I want C and H to be accountable for their behavior I too have to be accountable for mine and that includes what goes in my damn mouth......uugghh......

Tonight if I am not completely and utterly exhausted (because I am from having to get up at 4:45 in the morning to take C to junior boot camp) I'm going to try and in the very least do some yoga, maybe some strength training, and a 15 minute run.  45 minutes of exercise a night shouldn't kill me but I have to tell you that I am terrified.....

Okay so done with the venting and onto happier subjects......

J bought me a Subaru Forester for Christmas.....it's amazing.......love love love love it......

I just got a new iPhone as well it's not the iPhone5 but hey it's a 4, it's white, it cost me .99 cents and I love love love it as well.

Then last weekend J  bought us a tempurpedic king size bed, and bedroom furniture!  The furniture came from a thrift store but it's amazing as well and I will post pictures of that amazing find soon I promise.  Our room has a new found sexiness to it.  I wish I felt as sexy as it looks.....

J has been working in Billings a shit ton and I miss him so much.....our sex life seems to be nonexistent these days because he's hardly home and then when he is home where having to deal with our family issues......I have hopes that this will change and soon.  C is responding well to "boot camp" and H is in a better mind frame as well.  B is just B.....she's not real complicated yet and for that I am extremely thankful.

More posts to come....I promise..really I do....falling off the map for 2 1/2 months was not a good idea.....