So I just read Mama Laughlin's latest blogs......they address various hush hush subjects like sex, blow jobs, and women's overall bad attitudes and the withholding of sex. I have to say that I couldn't agree with her more.....
Seriously you should read her posts, funny, witty, real, and brutally honest.
I have never withheld sex in my life and I don't understand women that do. Why would you withhold something that is clearly enjoyable? It makes no sense to me at all. I'm starting to think that it's about control, hell I am starting to think everything about relationships is control. Think about it....In terms of the sex thing who holds the cards if your man has an insatiable sex drive as most men do. That's right the women and yes ladies you know it and you use it against them. On the flip side who typically is the primary breadwinner in the family? That's right the men and I personally have known the games and lines men spout of at women in terms of the almighty dollar. When you think about it seems deplorable how we treat one another over such stupid BS. When did thinks get so complicated?
Which leads me into my next topic.....love..... I say love because that's the reason why we put up with all of this right? Simply, because we don't want to be alone and we want to grow old with someone - right? Then why are we trying to control or get the upper hand on someone we care about?
If your having to play "control" games with someone that you claim to love is it really love or is it just some fabrication of love you've concocted in your head? Stuff like this makes me question my own relationship. J and I are not exempt from our struggles as hard as this is to write it's the truth.
Which segways into my next topic......
Why is everything a power struggle?
Number one topic of fights in our house have to do with child rearing and money and who is more tired. It's stupid and I need to learn to stop and not get baited into stupid BS fights that have no significance. Not everyone can be the driver all the time and I need to let him take the reigns sometimes without a fit. I just wish that he trusted me more to hand the reigns over to me once in awhile. More importantly when I tell him I love him I wish he would believe me......
I just don't think he's capable of it..... :(
Last nights heated topic of debate.....H and I did the dishes the night before like "assholes"....huh? I fouled up when I allowed the conversation to bother me. I should have just realized that J was doing what J does best which is throw a fit like a child because he was tired and not feeling well. What ensues is me getting pissed, slamming cupboards, and chucking various items (mostly keys and shoes because they are readily available) because I'm so frustrated. I wish that everyone in the house would stop and realize that not everything needs to be taken so personally nor does it need to be a fight - MYSELF INCLUDED! I need to exercise more self control in terms of my feelings but it's hard.
J is wonderful man and excellent father but just like me he has baggage, like a Uhaul full of it just like myself. I will gladly help him sort through this baggage as long as he will let me. However, it seems at times that he has built a huge impenetrable fortress that I can't get through. I'm tired of trying to wage a war that doesn't seem winnable. Unfortunately, I'm fiercely loyal to the point that it's probably bad for me. I love him selflessly and I'm not convinced that he is capable of loving anyone like that.....sad huh? I just wish J would recognize that I'm not "her" and when I refer to "her" I am referring to his ex-wife. He has 20 plus years of history with her and two kids (H and C) and she took off a few years ago leaving J with the kids and tons of self destructive doubts that I do my best to try and convince him is not true.
I feel lost in many ways and not very attractive because of my weight and our schedule. I just don't have time anymore to "primp" myself like I use to. I see H spending hours in the bathroom and I'm somewhat jealous. I miss being small enough to wear cute clothes and have the flexibility to take tons of time on myself. I worry that the reason he is so moody is because he wishes that his ex would have never left because that relationship was always there and it was comfortable. Our relationship of three years is still fresh and new and it goes without saying that it's work. I'm the terrible stepmonster to kids that depending on their mood in any given day either love me or hate me. J and I never get a break from the kids as their is no one to take them for us and even though H is 17 her daddy will never let her watch the younger ones if we tried to escape for a weekend because she's unfortunately proven to be a bit sneaky which doesn't sit well with her father. Hope springs eternal that at some point J and I get to feel truly connected again. I just don't know when that will happen because of our jobs, our kids, and our choices.....uugghh.....
Seriously you should read her posts, funny, witty, real, and brutally honest.
I have never withheld sex in my life and I don't understand women that do. Why would you withhold something that is clearly enjoyable? It makes no sense to me at all. I'm starting to think that it's about control, hell I am starting to think everything about relationships is control. Think about it....In terms of the sex thing who holds the cards if your man has an insatiable sex drive as most men do. That's right the women and yes ladies you know it and you use it against them. On the flip side who typically is the primary breadwinner in the family? That's right the men and I personally have known the games and lines men spout of at women in terms of the almighty dollar. When you think about it seems deplorable how we treat one another over such stupid BS. When did thinks get so complicated?
Which leads me into my next topic.....love..... I say love because that's the reason why we put up with all of this right? Simply, because we don't want to be alone and we want to grow old with someone - right? Then why are we trying to control or get the upper hand on someone we care about?
If your having to play "control" games with someone that you claim to love is it really love or is it just some fabrication of love you've concocted in your head? Stuff like this makes me question my own relationship. J and I are not exempt from our struggles as hard as this is to write it's the truth.
Which segways into my next topic......
Why is everything a power struggle?
Number one topic of fights in our house have to do with child rearing and money and who is more tired. It's stupid and I need to learn to stop and not get baited into stupid BS fights that have no significance. Not everyone can be the driver all the time and I need to let him take the reigns sometimes without a fit. I just wish that he trusted me more to hand the reigns over to me once in awhile. More importantly when I tell him I love him I wish he would believe me......
I just don't think he's capable of it..... :(
Last nights heated topic of debate.....H and I did the dishes the night before like "assholes"....huh? I fouled up when I allowed the conversation to bother me. I should have just realized that J was doing what J does best which is throw a fit like a child because he was tired and not feeling well. What ensues is me getting pissed, slamming cupboards, and chucking various items (mostly keys and shoes because they are readily available) because I'm so frustrated. I wish that everyone in the house would stop and realize that not everything needs to be taken so personally nor does it need to be a fight - MYSELF INCLUDED! I need to exercise more self control in terms of my feelings but it's hard.
J is wonderful man and excellent father but just like me he has baggage, like a Uhaul full of it just like myself. I will gladly help him sort through this baggage as long as he will let me. However, it seems at times that he has built a huge impenetrable fortress that I can't get through. I'm tired of trying to wage a war that doesn't seem winnable. Unfortunately, I'm fiercely loyal to the point that it's probably bad for me. I love him selflessly and I'm not convinced that he is capable of loving anyone like that.....sad huh? I just wish J would recognize that I'm not "her" and when I refer to "her" I am referring to his ex-wife. He has 20 plus years of history with her and two kids (H and C) and she took off a few years ago leaving J with the kids and tons of self destructive doubts that I do my best to try and convince him is not true.
I feel lost in many ways and not very attractive because of my weight and our schedule. I just don't have time anymore to "primp" myself like I use to. I see H spending hours in the bathroom and I'm somewhat jealous. I miss being small enough to wear cute clothes and have the flexibility to take tons of time on myself. I worry that the reason he is so moody is because he wishes that his ex would have never left because that relationship was always there and it was comfortable. Our relationship of three years is still fresh and new and it goes without saying that it's work. I'm the terrible stepmonster to kids that depending on their mood in any given day either love me or hate me. J and I never get a break from the kids as their is no one to take them for us and even though H is 17 her daddy will never let her watch the younger ones if we tried to escape for a weekend because she's unfortunately proven to be a bit sneaky which doesn't sit well with her father. Hope springs eternal that at some point J and I get to feel truly connected again. I just don't know when that will happen because of our jobs, our kids, and our choices.....uugghh.....
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